The Gingerbread Man

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Once upon a time there was a little old woman who lived in a small house in a gated retirement community. When she moved in, she assumed that the retirement community handled all aspects of her home's condition, so she never had it checked for Radon. Unfortunately, the basement, where she did all her baking, had unusually high levels of Radon.

The old woman did all her baking in the basement because she celebrated her retirement by buying a very expensive Kitchen Aid gas oven, but she didn't want to spend the money to run the gas line upstairs. So, she just had them install the oven in the basement.

One day, she decided to make gingerbread men. She put her gingerbread men in the oven, set it to bake, and went back upstairs. That's when the Radon went to work. When the little old woman opened the oven, one of the gingerbread men, his molecules altered by the Radon, jumped out of the oven and ran to the door. He turned around and sang out:

"Run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

And then he turned and ran out the door. On his way through the old woman's yard, the Gingerbread Man passed a hungry fat cat.

"Stop, I want to eat you," said the cat. The Gingerbread man was too fast for the cat to catch and it ran away from the cat yelling "run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the Gingerbread Man." The cat watched the Gingerbread Man run off into the woods. The cat thought to himself: "Meh, I'll just go hang out behind the Starbucks."

Once he got into the woods, the Gingerbread Man ran right by a squirrel.

The squirrel said, "Stop! I want to eat you."

The Gingerbread Man was too fast though and ran circles around the squirrel then taunted him by pretending to moon him. He then posted a photo of the whole thing on Facebook using the IPhone he stole from the old woman on the way out of her house. He then ran off toward the end of the wood yelling "run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the Gingerbread Man."